this is my third entry of the day... now you can see how bored i am... haha... tell you a little something... there was this person who i have mentioned in my previous entry... he promised me that he will luv me forever even though i do not luv him back... but i dunno where is he now... i didn't even know that he changed his number until i saw darius's phone... why did he lie to me? i hate it when ppl lie to me... and i can't see through it... until now then did i realise that everyone except my family who says that they like me and will luv me forever (mostly are guys) and take care of me... are just lying... i hate it... its like... lying... ya... lying... makes me lose all my faith in you... i feel so sad now... its raining... and the radio is playing some really sad music but its mostly jay chou so i dun mind... it dark and cold... i feel so lost... i got no one to tok too... only got my blogger to blog to... and later when ppl read it... then will they ask me am i ok... and usually by that time... i'm ok abt it liao... and im just cheerful and bubbly... i am a person who can't keep my emotions to myself... i have to let the person who made me sad or angry to know what they did... i very seldom hide my feelings... even if i do... i will go home and confide it to my papa ivan and my real mummy... who really luvs me? can someone tell me? i dun think anyone does... i msg ppl... all i get is my money getting lesser... no reply... nothing... i feel like i'm being made a fool of... luv you soo much... as a fren... or maybe as something closer... but you all just ignore me... with no rhyme nor reason... usually i have to ask before i get any ans... hiaz... i'm still truamatized (is this how you spell it?) whenever i read that breakup msg... whenever i look at it... i start wanting to cry... *SObX* but ppl think that im stupid... why dun i just forget abt that person... its hard... its really hard... its harder than getting all A's for ur exams... some ppl would understand how i feel... some ppl haven gone through it... they dunno... at first... i didn't know it was that hard too... thats why i always ask ppl to forget... forget... but its so hard... especially when you all have been together for like almost two weeks... and ur feelings for each other have grown soo much during that time... even though it was just two dates... hiaz... i'm so stupid... i even went to ask if we still had a chance to get back together... i'm so stupid... no one likes me... he is just playing with me... he is just taking me as a toy to play and then just drop off when he feels like it... well... thats what ppl say... but before i heard that... i always tot that he luved me alot... that he would never let me go... even though i always complain that he is very quiet but i luv him alot... i dunno who to trust... my heart or ppl who know him better than i do... hiaz... i dunno... just hope he will take care of my darling slumbers properly... and that if he really doesn't like me jsut tell me so... so that i dun have to wait for you like an idiot... i know that even if you tell me that you dun like me... i'll just be heartbroken and i still wun forget abt you... hiaz... maybe if i find someone better than you... or someone like you... but... hiaz... there is no one like you... no one who makes me luv them so madly that i can't sleep at night... crying... missing you... hiaz.. ya.. i'm dumb... dumb... maybe i'm just chi qing... i dunno... maybe i am jsut blind... i dunno... i hope that now i am starting to work... i will get to take my mind off you and hopefully stop luvin and missin you... like with jonathan.. but i didn't luv jonathan as much as i did to you... oh sheesh... what am i toking abt? sorrie... i must have gotten abit to far... hiaz... see ya...
*~[LoViN YoU MiSsIn YoU]~*
